When The Bully In The Classroom Isn't A Student
from local parent Christine Brondyke:
It’s come to my attention that Ojai Public Schools has a significant problem with bullying…by teachers.
I realize that teaching is one of the hardest professions out there. I’ve done it…and every day that I did, I went home exhausted. It is HARD work! I also know that OPS has many amazing and talented teachers who wouldn’t dream of mentally, emotionally, or physically hurting a child. But for a moment, I want to talk about those who do.
This week, my nine year old son came home from school and asked me to write a note so that he would never have to participate in P.E. again. (That’s physical education) When I asked him “Why?” he said that day his P.E. teacher was yelling at his class to line up and he was slow in doing so… the teacher came over to my son as he was pushing himself off of the ground to get up. The teacher kicked my son’s ankle in anger and my son went back down to the ground. My son says he then attempted to get up quicker and the teacher grabbed him by his ear and pulled him the rest of the way up while yelling “What is this?” My son answered “My ear!” And his teacher responded “Then start using it!”
The mama bear in me was provoked. NO ONE is allowed to hurt my child. I’m not allowed to, and his teachers aren’t allowed to. But no matter what is “allowed”, it has happened…and now I find myself in the strange position of mama warrior demanding an amends, a solution, and change for the future.
I’m not sure that the school district has ears for what I have to say…and unfortunately, I think it’s because they don’t care. I know that they care about the money they’ll lose if I pull my children out of their school system. I know that they care if they can’t make their budget and they have to let teachers go. But do they care that my child cried himself to sleep after expressing how bad and scary it felt to have someone hurt him in a way that he felt powerless to stop?
If actions speak louder than words (and they do) the answer is “No” the school district does not care. Four days after my initial reporting to Kyle’s main teacher, and two days after speaking to the school district’s Director of Community Relations, I received one promise—the short term solution of keeping my son out of the P.E. teacher’s class while they investigated—only they didn’t keep their end of the deal, and no one notified the teacher of our complaint. My son was the one to inform the P.E. teacher that he wouldn’t be participating in P.E. because three days before (P.E. meets twice a week) he had kicked him and pulled him up by his ear and now his mom won’t let him attend the class. I’m told by my son that the teacher stammered and stuttered and said “Uh, I don’t remember doing that. Tell your parents I’m sorry, I don’t remember doing that.” My son, with a maturity that astounds me, told him “Well, you did.” The P.E. teacher approached my son again after class and said “I don’t remember doing that…are we cool?” and attempted to fist-bump my son. My son told him “No, we’re not cool.”
I have a new appreciation for my little nine year old. He has a presence and courage I certainly did not have at that age. He is a strong and honest kid…who has never been a behavior problem. But…where does this leave us?
Is it enough to discipline the teacher? And is punishment really the best response? Isn’t the belief that punishment is an option what started this mess? After all, this teacher wanted my son to move when he said “move”, and my son didn’t do it so he was punished. I myself have physically moved and hurt my child when he hasn’t done what I’ve wanted him to do in my time frame. And whenever I’ve done it, I have cringed. I know there is a better way. I KNOW there is.
And so this issue reminds me first to clean up my own messes. To look at all the ways I’m attached to people doing what I want them to do, when I want them to do it. There are many days and moments when I think it’s all about ME. And I get frustrated when the people in my world don’t conform to giving me what I want. They don’t move over into the slow lane on the highway, they don’t move through the line at the grocery store fast enough, or they don’t respond appropriately to my complaint of a fourth grader being man-handled by his teacher.
I am so SAD and ANGRY that this has happened…and I am impatient that there has been no response from the school. I would assume that the gears of justice just don’t move as fast as I’d like, except the same week as my son’s incident, some students were fighting each other on the playground and at least two of them were suspended that very day. I guess punishment of the children happens swiftly, and when we’re dealing with a teacher-bully we must wait and have proof and witnesses and a confession…which won’t be coming.
In re-telling this story to some friends, I was told we’re not alone in dealing with this teacher’s bullying issue. I heard a story of another P.E. teacher who thought it would be a good idea to “punish” a student by having them sit on the hot asphalt when it was 100 degrees during our recent heat wave, and yet another teacher who thinks that it’s perfectly fine to tell his students that “they should be ashamed of themselves.” I also overheard one other child say that he had his ear pulled by the same P.E. teacher my son had, and he was emphatic that “It really hurts!”
This is a serious issue…we cannot expect our children not to bully if bullying is being modeled for them. We cannot expect our children to have patience, if we have none ourselves.
I don’t know how this will be resolved. I do know that I’m not going to stop speaking up until the school district decides that it is in their best interest to care about my son more than they care about the money they need to educate him. I will not stop until someone decides that maybe it would be a good idea to talk to the students and find out what is happening in the classrooms. Our kids deserve better than this. My son is counting on me to make this right, and I intend to do so.
Christine Godwin Brondyke
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Comments (14)
The written word often gets more attention than verbal complaints. Send this article to the OVN's as an editorial. Print and distribute at the next School Board meeting, etc.
I'm trying to think what would I have done if it had been one of my children? My husband and I probably would have demanded a face-to-face meetng with the teacher in question...for starters.
Comment #1 Posted by: Suza | April 26, 2009 08:11 AM
Home School--It will be good for all concerned--I had a dear friend who said "Love is the astrolabe"-- A brilliant man--
From the internet: Astrolabes are used to show how the sky looks at a specific place at a given time. To use an astrolabe, you adjust the moveable components to a specific date and time. Once set, the entire sky, both visible and invisible, is represented on the face of the instrument. This allows a great many astronomical problems to be solved in a very visual way."
Love is the Astrolabe--If you love your kids take them out of the public school system.
Then-- with Love as the astrolabe, we'll see some pretty clear sailing ahead-- Then--Even the trips to the market becomes a holy pilgramage.
We find the right navigational tool--and it works wonders in every situation.
Comment #2 Posted by: Anonymous | April 26, 2009 09:43 AM
Too bad that this has happened and your son nor any other kid should have to deal with this. I would go to the principal and ask what they are going to do about the situation, and let them know that you are also going to the school board. I would also put all of this in writing. Sounds like the teacher is taking anger out on the kids and this is not right. It is not right for anyone to physically harm another just to satisfy their anger. I do not spank my kids as that would just satisfy me and not teach my kid anything but to be physical when they are angry. When my kids are not doing the right thing, I have a discussion with them, get to the root cause and fix the issue with words. Communication is the key, not your hand or belt. You are teaching your son that there is right and wrong and for him to speak up for himself when he is being physically harmed, good for you. Teaching kids to have a voice and not to be passive is a good thing. Don't let this just pass off. Over the years I have been shocked to hear from my kids on what teachers have said on topics that have nothing to do with what they are learning. I know as a parent I have to always reinforce values, so they are not left with the teachers personal perception on life which at times can be way off. The classroom is a place to learn, to get an education on topics in a structured way . Not to learn about the teachers personal beliefs, personal political opinions, to hear about current news and their personal view on it, and certainly not to take the physical backlash from a teacher that is having a bad day. Our kids do deserve better than this. At this time when there is stress in the world and with families, kids don't need this kind of stress, they are suppose to be learning and enjoying this time in their life. Good luck and know that you have support.
Comment #3 Posted by: Kelly | April 26, 2009 09:49 AM
School Distict is condoning beatings of students? Wow!
And we can be assured Ms. Brondyke is providing a factual depiction...
Comment #4 Posted by: evana trump | April 26, 2009 10:01 AM
A wonderful thoughtful letter that points out the responsibility we all have to treat children with respect and care...to mirror the behavior we want to see in them and to take responsibility when we fail to do that. Yes, we all make mistakes but wounding a child's psyche can have a ripple effect that lasts for generations. Thank you, Christine, for bringing attention to an important issue that often goes unspoken...that children and all beings can be disciplined, dealt with and cared for in non violent ways. Anything more aggressive should only take place in self defense!
Comment #5 Posted by: Peacewoman | April 26, 2009 10:08 AM
I would have slapped the teacher in the face and said don't touch me you $#&%head.
Comment #6 Posted by: Megan | April 26, 2009 12:57 PM
I am not surprised by this. I would like to know what school this happened at. I have been recently visiting the public schools to see where my child would go next year and found that Topa was not adequate. Before even entering the property I heard a teacher or aid belittling two boys in kindergarten while painting blue balloons. I actually interrupted her to tell her she was belittling the children. I felt the rest of my tour of the school was damaged by what I had witnessed to the two little boys.
I feel I really need to know what school this is happening at. I am a parent - I pay taxes - I pay for our schools yet at the moment I don't use them. And like the parent above I don't think this is an isolated subject. I have learned that the schools do not" live scan" parent volunteers and ....teachers are stretched to the limit. I did not witness any adult supervision of the playground while atleast 50 or more kids where playing.
I hope that this situation can be resolved so the child feels validated since the adult was not a good example of action. I hope that it does not spread through the school to be a gossip mess for the child. But..... between the reputation our schools have for bullying and lack of funds,I hope the admin can stand out and act out.
"The training of the teacher who is to help life is something far more than the learning of ideas. It includes the training of character; it is a preparation of the spirit"
Maria Montessori
Comment #7 Posted by: d | April 26, 2009 07:20 PM
OUSD Intended Lesson Number One (the incident):
When authority gives an order to jump, you jump. If you don't, authority is justified in any response. Hitting, kicking, detention, arrest, torture, kidnap. Anything. (See the past eight years of our highest levels of authority for an example.)
OUSD Intended Lesson No. 2 (the aftermath):
Your loved ones, good ideas, and intelligence are no match for Established Authority. Established authority will not be held accountable, and you and every other kid in the class will see things get harder for you now that you tried to complain. You have nowhere to turn. The only option is to join and obey Established Authority, and to learn to condemn and attack those who do not.
Solution: Get out! Your kids, and our future, are too precious.
Comment #8 Posted by: Anonymous | April 26, 2009 07:37 PM
This reminds me of my public school fifth grade teacher. (Not OUSD. But doesn't sound much different.) My parents thought he was the best. Mr. Green. Strict. He used to make us all line up single file to leave the classroom for recess or the library. Then he'd give the order to start walking, him at the head of the line. I remember one time, a kid spit while we were walking in a line. He stopped the line, walked back, and made the kid get down on his knees and lick his spit up from the cement. The kid was crying, down on his knees, licking his spit up off that dirty pavement.
I went home and told my parents about it. They said see? Bet that kid learned his lesson.
Comment #9 Posted by: Anonymous | April 26, 2009 07:52 PM
Christine, I am sorry your son had to endure what he endured, and I echo your pride in him for refusing to buckle and -- for god's sake -- "fist bump" that creep. As is evident from the prior poster, kids don't forget abuse of power and authority, even if they only watched it happen to someone else. But there should be no surprise here: the issue of teacher bullying in Ojai has been very publicly raised before. As long as the spineless school board and the incompetent Tim Baird continue to cow-tow to the teachers' union, the inmates will continue to run the asylum and our children will continue to pay the price.
Comment #10 Posted by: Anonymous | April 26, 2009 08:06 PM
I would get it in writing from a lawyer and have a letter sent to the school district, the teacher, supervisor of schools and the principal. It is totally unacceptable behavior in this day and age of supposed enlightenment. I carry the lifelong scars of emotional abuse from 2 teachers in my HS. A child's psyche is fragile no matter how strong they appear. A strong reprimand is in order so that that teacher and the school district should be held accountable for their actions. It should not go unnoticed!
Comment #11 Posted by: Emerald | April 27, 2009 06:05 AM
First, I want to say, Christine, that I totally respect your feelings and what you are trying to do to protect your child. That is your job, after all. I had a similar situation happen to my daughter when she was at Matilija. A new teacher, hit her on the head with a ruler because he perceived she wasn't responding as quickly as he thought she should. Thank goodness, as a child raised non-violently, she found his actions unacceptable and came home and told me about it.
I am a firm believer that you should always start at the bottom in resolving an issue and that meant going directly to the offending teacher. I sat down that night and wrote him a very long letter asking him if he felt good about the fact that he bullied my child into getting what he wanted. I also gave him suggestions on how he might have handled it in a peaceful, productive way.
I explained to him, that out of respect for him as a teacher, I would be sharing this letter only with him, but that if I ever heard of him doing this to my child, or any other child in the future, I would not hesitate to report him to his superiors. Surprisingly, I received a lengthy, genuine response, from this teacher. He really was unaware how, what he thought was an innoccent action, had harmed his student's self esteem. He convinced me that he would never do such a thing again. I believed him and my daughter and he ended out the school year on a positive note. I was very happy with the resolution.
Maybe you might want to try reaching out to the teacher directly. Maybe he can learn from this experience and not, instead, become defensive from personal attacks from his administration?
Anyway, thanks for sharing your story. There is always such a fine line between letting our kids solve their own problems or stepping in when we need to. I'm sure your son feels validated that you are supporting him in this situation. I know my daughter did!
Comment #12 Posted by: Nukebuster | April 28, 2009 11:58 AM
Thank you for sharing this. I am currently addressing the issue of a teacher bully. He pulled the hair of NUMEROUS students, two of which are my twins.
Filed a police report, complaint with school district and now wait for the investigation to be over.
I agree that the schools are eager to punish our children when they do wrong, BUT the teachers, for god sakes are INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY!!! Aren't the children also??!!
Read my blog, I'm documenting the issues....
http://judiwheeldon.blogspot.com
Comment #13 Posted by: Judi Wheeldon | October 22, 2009 08:01 PM
Judi,
Your twins are tyrannts.
Comment #14 Posted by: Supporter | October 23, 2009 10:09 AM