The Ojai Post

4. Specifically set aside time and money to do activities together as a couple, and later as a family. Living within your means will provide you with more discretionary income to use for strengthening your family bonds in this way. Enter into debt cautiously if at all.

5. Make friends with other couples and/or families, to create a supportive network for your joys AND struggles. Having family and friends with whom you can celebrate the joys and whom you rely on during the struggles will foster peace of mind, build a sense of community, and even out life's bumpy path.
• Other communities you can find support in:
- play groups
- church
- clubs or service organizations

6. Remember to refocus on your specific commitments to your partner at regular intervals, such as the first day of each month or each year on your anniversary. This will help keep you grounded and always conscious of exactly what you've promised.

7. If you have children, create space for being involved in their lives. Play games or sports with them, or coach their team! Know who their friends are, as well as their favorite movies, books, and foods. Remind yourself that they are responsible and independent people, and open yourself to learning from them.

8. Take an active role in your community, and be the change you wish to see in the world. If there are cycles of violence or deficits in education in your family history, seek to end or correct these and pass something better to your children than was given to you. Don't simply PREACH honesty, love, and integrity...we must model that behavior ourselves.

9. Seek out specific communication skills that reflect your values, and commit to practicing them. One of the greatest sources of conflict at all levels is poor communication.

10. Oppose war. It is an example to our children of the non-sustainable idea that violence solves conflicts, it drains money from our economy's ability to meet human needs, and it destroys families and marriages on all sides through extended separation, disability, and death.
• The mentalities and life-alienating energies that foster war are also present in social and economic injustices of all sorts. Be mindful of attempts to oppress others or erode their rights, and take action as a stand of support for the families that will suffer as a result.

Some of these lessons have been hard-learned. All of them require energy and work. None of them involve discrimination against others as a false means of propping up one's self.
If you live in California, please vote NO on Proposition 8.