By: Del Bird

Del Bird — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:31:21 +0000

coqs2jxiyxnkxxtc

By: Celebrate Slap Day!*

Celebrate Slap Day!* — Mon, 26 May 2008 22:09:48 +0000

Congress Declares Memorial Day “National Slap A Republican Day”
Washington, D.C. and Ventura, California – Led by Congressional resolution, Memorial Day has been redubbed “Smack a Republican Day”. Americans frustrated by the high cost of gasoline, endless war, a dropping dollar, soaring debt, home foreclosures, failing schools, environmental degradation, corruption and cronyism can, for one day only, slap a Republican once across the face without fear of prosecution.
“When gas hit $4, people who voted for Bush started to complain. For the rest of us, it was a Herculean effort to restrain ourselves from slapping them across the face,” said House majority leader Nancy Pelosi. “On this Memorial Day, we want people who care about this country to know they are free to slap a Republican as an expression of patriotism and concern for America.”
All over America, Republicans have been getting slapped. For some, it has been a real wakeup call. Lifelong Texas Republican Loudon Pitchgrass, a grandfather thrice over, was slapped by his 16-year old great-grandson. “‘That’s for $4 gas!’ he told me,” said Pitchgrass. “At first I was going to whup him, but then I realized, I’d needed that for a long time. Now I’ve been going around town slapping my old Republican friends all morning, and I feel great!”
Around the country, District Attorneys have been asked to join the call, making clear that slapping a Republican will not be prosecuted this Memorial Day. This has caused some consternation in strong Republican enclaves. In Ventura County, California, where Republicans have claimed for years that they brought Ronald Reagan to the nation, prosecutors are worried that things might get out of hand. “We heard reports that there are tour busses coming down from San Francisco and up from Los Angeles today, full of angry Americans who want to slap a Ventura Republican,” said Ventura District Attorney Dick Tottenbach. “We have been making clear, one slap across the face is okay, but we will prosecute anything more.”
Some Ventura Republicans expressed worry. One, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of multiple slappings, told this reporter he was staying indoors for the holiday. “I’ve got a bad heart and gout. I don’t know if I can take getting slapped.”
Others were outright angry. “Any San Francisco liberal tries to slap me, I’ll shoot him with my gun!” said Thousand Oaks Republican Prescott “Billie Bob” Johnson III, speaking from the window of his Hummer while filling the tank at a local gas station. “I voted for Bush. So what? What was I supposed to do, vote for that draft dodging chicken hawk effete liberal big government tax me to death atheist Kerry?”
Chimed in a fellow Thousand Oaks Republican from his passenger seat: “Its these Democrats fault that we have high gas prices. Gas prices didn’t hit four dollars until they took over Congress!”
Suddenly two women jumped out of a nearby Prius and reached inside the Hummer. SLAP! SLAP!
Billy Bob looked momentarily stunned. Then he quickly pulled a pistol from his glovebox and jumped out of the Hummer. The two ladies jumped behind the gas pump. Billie Bob’s eyes rested on it for just a second. “$204!” he exclaimed. He slapped himself and looked at it again.
Then Billy Bob threw down his gun and looked at the two women. “I am sorry ladies. You’re right. I deserved that.”
He climbed back in his Hummer and turned to his passenger. SLAP! “Dumbass!” he said. “Owwww,” cried his passenger.
And so it went, all over America. Outside the White House, thousands of angry Americans were gathered, waving signs and chanting: “Just One Slap!” At press time, the President and Vice President were reported to be holed up with their staff in the Situation Room. White House Press Secretary Dana Perino had emerged briefly to give a statement, but had to flee back inside after being slapped multiple times by members of the Secret Service and press corps.
(* This article is satire. You probably will be prosecuted if you slap a Republican today. Quotes are fictitious and are wholly the product of imagination. Prickly Republicans, please do not sue.)

By: evan austin

evan austin — Mon, 26 May 2008 06:45:35 +0000

Memorial Day Prayer
by Reverend Barbara Pescan
Spirit of Life
whom we have called by many names
in thanksgiving and in anguish—
Bless the poets and those who mourn
Send peace for the soldiers who did not make the wars
but whose lives were consumed by them
Let strong trees grow above graves far from home
Breathe through the arms of their branches
The earth will swallow your tears while the dead sing
“No more, never again, remember me.”
For the wounded ones, and those who received them back,
let there be someone ready when the memories come
when the scars pull and the buried metal moves
and forgiveness for those of us who were not there
for our ignorance.
And in us, veterans in a forest of a thousand fallen promises,
let new leaves of protest grow on our stumps.
Give us courage to answer the cry of humanity’s pain
And with our bare hands, out of full hearts,
with all our intelligence
let us create the peace.

By: Thankyou

Thankyou — Sun, 25 May 2008 04:57:42 +0000

Thank you for your service Veterans and family members. I just read an interview on Democracy Now about the new movie War, Inc. I strongly encourage everyone to check it out. Here is the link to the interview. http://www.democracynow.org/2008/5/23/war_inc_john_cusacks_new_film
PEACE!

Comments on: Ojai Memorial Day 2008

By: Del Bird

By: Celebrate Slap Day!*

By: evan austin

By: Thankyou