Forty Years Ago, in the Small Town of Ojai ...
Forty years ago, on April 8th, in the small town of Ojai, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy.
It was 1968 and there were no midwives in Ojai, at least none that I knew of. To educate myself I went to Bart’s Books, and found a copy of Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick-Read, one of the fathers of natural childbirth. This book describes the mess obstetrics was making of pregnancy and birth and how fear plays a big part in the pain of labor.
I had never actually seen a baby born, not even on film. But in Holland, where I was born, natural childbirth is the accepted form of delivery. My father had delivered my youngest sister at home and it was natural for me to think I too would simply have my baby at home. I grew up hearing stories about women in Indonesia who gave birth in the rice fields when it was too far to walk home.
It was a beautiful spring day and I was nine months pregnant. I was happy and relatively care-free. I was used to riding my bicycle everywhere and I cycled over to the doctor’s office for a check up. As I was lying on the examination table, he poked a gloved hand into my body. After feeling around inside me, he mumbled something about “stretching the cervix” just to help the baby along, because, he explained, “I have to go out of town.”
“Wait a minute,” I thought to myself, “this does not seem right!”
I managed to scoot off the table. I recall my heart beating fast and my face flushed with anger and deep indignation. How could this doctor I scarcely knew have the gall to cause my baby to come early for his stupid convenience? I didn't even want him around anyway! I did not like him and don’t think he appreciated my attitude of, “I know what’s best for me.”
As I write this today I applaud that young girl who had the good sense to tell the doctor that she wanted a “natural birth, no drugs, no forceps.” I left the doctor's office and I bicycled home.
That evening I went into labor but I did not know it was labor. I felt a lot of pressure and thought I was constipated.
All those years in school; all those hours of homework; all that studying to make A-pluses and stay on the honor roll. And all that time no one taught me anything about the sacred rites of passage in a woman’s life. No one told me how the patriarchal system had made this holy transit into a medical event. Thankfully, my natural instincts were still intact.
Around 11 p.m. the contractions began to hit in earnest. I was totally unprepared. I forgot everything I read. There was no one to coach me, no women friends or midwives gathered around. My mother came over. I panicked and agreed to go to the hospital.
Around midnight I found myself alone on a high bed in the hospital labor room, my mother sitting in a chair nearby. The doctor periodically poked his head in the door to offer “a little something to help you relax.” I must have glared daggers at him because he dared not come near me! Every once in a while a nurse took a peek inside my body to check how things were progressing. She offered no words of support. Soon I was flat on my back on the delivery table, feet placed in stirrups, shaved, prepped, and ready for the doctor “to deliver” the baby -- a crazy notion if there ever was one!
And suddenly there was the baby crying, “waaa ...waaa....” My own 7 pound, 3 ounce baby boy! Of course he was crying! You would cry too if you suddenly emerged from darkness into bright light and were dangled upside down by some giant stranger in a white coat!
I’m not even sure if I got to hold him for a few seconds on the delivery table. I do know the baby disappeared very soon into the nursery.
As I was helped off the table and into the "recovery room" I heard the doctor say to the nurse, “She had it without anything all right!” All along he hadn't believed I could do this without a spinal anesthetic!
The baby had arrived at 2 a.m. I was ravenously hungry, wide awake and ready to go home. And I wanted my baby! Instead, I was ushered to bed with a glass of water and a sleeping pill.
I was outraged! I wanted to get the hell out of there!
But there was a problem I had not anticipated. The doctor had performed an episiotomy. I did not realize that was part of the deal and now I had stitches and it burned when I peed.
I threw the sleeping pill in the trash. All that work and no baby! I was too excited to sleep. I heard the other women in the room talking. Our beds were separated by curtains so I could hear one of them moaning. They had all received a spinal block and I got the impression that some of them had been in the hospital for several days. Something in me cringed when I realized they all were bottle-feeding their babies.
I later learned that I was one of the lucky ones. Millions of other women were not so fortunate. In her memoir, My Life So Far, Jane Fonda describes how the doctor put a gas-mask over her face without asking, even though he knew she wanted to be conscious for the birth. He was wearing jodhpurs in preparation to go fox-hunting when he was called to the hospital. That impatient doctor tore her up with forceps. At least I had been conscious and "allowed" to push the baby out on my own.
There is a whole generation of women now in their 60’s , 70’s and older who feel they missed out by being knocked out. They are still talking about it! A few months ago when I told my yoga class about my niece's natural, gentle birth, the older women in the class started talking about how they wished they could have been awake when their babies were born.
By 6 am I had had enough of being a hospital prisoner. There was nothing to eat in that place and by now I was beyond ravenous—but not hungry enough to eat canned peaches and white toast. The nurse promised that the doctor would check me when he made the rounds, and he would probably “let me go home.”
I had to go pee. When I came back to the room I found out that the doctor had made the rounds and passed me by. When the nurse saw my crestfallen face she tried to console me. “He'll be back tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow morning!” I yelled. “I'm going home NOW, with or without the baby!”
Suddenly it all hit me! Somewhere in the nursery my baby was crying. What was I doing here? I started walking down the hallway.
“I'm going home! Give me my baby.”
Suddenly everyone sprang into action. Like magic a wheel chair appeared and the nurse told me to sit in it so she could wheel me down the hallway. My parents were called to come pick me up. Someone put the baby in my arms. They wheeled me right up to the car and helped me into the back seat, along with a case of baby formula. I put my baby to my breast and there he stayed for three years...
Adapted from Suza's forthcoming book, Autobiography of a Yogini.
| Permalink | author bio | 
Comments (26)
If you haven't yet, check out "The Business of Being Born"
Comment #1 Posted by: kate | April 8, 2008 11:28 PM
Suza-
Thank you for sharing your story and bravo for having the courage to follow your heart and be guided by your instincts.
We are so fortunate here to have so many options available to us - not only do we have local midwives, but we can pick which midwife we want to work with, and we have choices of whether to birth at home, hospital, or birthing center.
With what we have here now, it is easier to forget what so many were put through then, and it's important to remember what happened so that we can continue to go forward, in a positive way, for the best.
Thank you again for sharing.
Comment #2 Posted by: Lauren | April 9, 2008 10:04 AM
Hi Kate, Hi Lauren,
Thank you for your comments.
I read a review of "The Business of Being Born" in Newsweek. A very important documentary!
Yes, we are fortunate to have more choices today. In 1981, for the birth of my second child, I had a wonderful midwife. I will post that story at a later date.
But the discouraging part is that back in the late 60's, early 70's, pioneers like Ina May Gaskin, Frederick Leboyer, Suzanne Arms, Robert Mendelsohn, MD, and dozens of other writers, film makers, birth educators, etc., were saying the same things we are hearing today and the induction/cesearian rates are higher than ever.
A few months ago my niece was seeing an obstetrician in Ventura who wanted to induce labor. Her baby was due Thanksgiving Day and he was leaving town. He used various scare tactics to get her to allow him to induce labor 6 days before her actual due date.
Fortunately my niece declined and she switched to another doctor at the Santa Paula hospital. This doctor and entire staff was supportive of a natural birth. The baby arrived the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, 11 days after the date that the first doctor wanted to induce. My niece had a beautiful, healthy girl, delivered without an episiotomy, and no tearing. We were very happy with the care she received at Santa Paula hospital.
Comment #3 Posted by: Suza | April 9, 2008 11:14 AM
Suza-
Great and very interesting story.
If I may ask, what brought you to Ojai in the first place back around 1968?
Comment #4 Posted by: El A | April 9, 2008 11:40 AM
Hola El A,
I was born in Holland and lived there till I was almost eight years old. My Dutch–Indonesian father, a survivor of the atomic bomb, always longed to emigrate to America, the country that saved his life when he was a prisoner of war in Japan. He had a dream about living where trees laden with sweet, delicious oranges covered the valley and hills.
In 1957, a sponsor in New York arranged for my family to finally come to the United States. We came on a big boat (a ship). It took about eight days, maybe longer.
Upon arrival, we were told we were being sent to Ojai, California, a place we had never heard of.
We traveled by train across the United States and arrived in Ojai in March of 1957. As soon as he saw the vast orchards of orange trees, my father felt that the dream he had had in Holland was a message from God. This was the place where the family was destined to live. Our first home was on Thacher Road, in the middle of an orange grove.
In the winter of 1967 I discovered I had enough credits to graduate early from high school. So I took the Greyhound bus to San Francisco and landed in the Haight Ashbury. But as the Summer of Love turned into fall, I took the bus back to nice quiet Ojai.
And that is how I came to be here in 1968!
Comment #5 Posted by: Suza | April 9, 2008 12:23 PM
I KNEW it!!
I remember meeting you at that "freak shop" on the corner of Haight and Ashbury.
I was the one with the long hair!!
Comment #6 Posted by: El A | April 9, 2008 01:02 PM
Suza, trying this comment again -- yesterday it didn't work.!
Thank you for writing this. Again, I just LOVE your memoirs. Yes they have a strong point-of-view but they are personal to you and just wonderful.
I was also born in 1968 (yeah for Monkeys!) and my mother told me stories of her being prepped, wheeled into the operating room, looking up into the mirror above and having a gas mask put on her. When she woke, it was all over...
It's amazing that you got to control as much of your experience as you did at the time and heartening to hear where your instincts kicked in and what you did about them.
Thank you for this. You often write about subjects that touch all of us.
Best,
DK
Comment #7 Posted by: DK | April 10, 2008 11:05 AM
Thank you so much for taking the time to write DK. Your comments are very helpful and meaningful to me! Plus it's nice to hear from you!!
Comment #8 Posted by: Suza | April 10, 2008 12:44 PM
Suza, my gratitude to you for sharing such a powerful and personal story, and told so well!
Twenty-eight years ago on April 8th, i was born in the Kapi`olani Medical Center for Women & Children in Honolulu, Hawai'i to a very alone young mother. i don't consciously remember the experience, but am honored to share your son's birthdate!
Of course, as a new father i resonate to much of your tale, even forty years later (sigh). you only hint at the dark machinations of patriarchy that have institutionalized this wholly holy and natural rite of passage...for all our "knowledge" the cesarean rate is constantly climbing, people are largely not educated by government, society, or community about how to have children and be parents, and our consumer society encourages us to shove as much Chinese plastic into our childrens' lives and bodies as possible. Natural, life-affirming, and body-honoring practices are referred to as "alternative", and good luck finding a doctor to facilitate a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean)...not because the institution lacks the skills or equipment, but because insurance companies won't allow it!
For all our reading, training, reading, class-attending, and reading, Jessie and i STILL ended up in a hospital with drugs and a C-Section. of course there's much more to the story, but this isn't my thread. perhaps another time.
Noa was born in the birth center at Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital, which is a very nice facility. However, the birth center is closing because two of the already-few doctors who serve it are no longer doing obstetrics. i consider this a huge personal loss of Noa's birthplace, as well as a loss to our region of a clean, comfortable, well-funded, and fairly progressive (they let us explore our birth experience to what we considered an incredible degree, but still kept us well-supplied with formula and plastic diapers) place for babies to be born. HOWEVER, if i can possibly manage it at all, our next child will be born at home, without drugs, and naturally delivered. that is NOT too much to ask.
[Support Breastfeeding! Download the International Breastfeeding Symbol and display it wherever support is expressed or needed! Breastfeedingsymbol.org also has lots of great info,resources, and activism to support using the best human food on planet earth!]
Comment #9 Posted by: evan austin | April 10, 2008 09:56 PM
Wow, Suza, a great personal story of your migration to the U.S. Your father, a survivor of the atomic bomb? Amazing.
Comment #10 Posted by: kate | April 10, 2008 10:12 PM
Your courage in dealing with the death-dealing medicult establishment is both admirable and inspiring.
Jock
Comment #11 Posted by: Jock Doubleday | April 11, 2008 02:06 PM
Your courage in dealing with the death-dealing medicult establishment is both admirable and inspiring.
Jock
Comment #12 Posted by: Jock Doubleday | April 11, 2008 02:06 PM
Your courage in confronting the death-dealing medicult establishment is admirable and inspiring.
Jock
Comment #13 Posted by: Jock Doubleday | April 11, 2008 02:07 PM
evan, kate and Jock,
It does my heart good to read your comments! Thank you!
evan, thanks for those links. I'll send them to my daughter Monica who manages the Mother's Guild store in Ventura. They offer breastfeeding, childbirth education, prenatal and Mommy & Me yoga, infant massage, infant CPR, breastfeeding support groups and more.
I look forward to posting my homebirth experience in the future. These stories are adapted from a forthcoming memoir on life in Ojai.
Comment #14 Posted by: Suza | April 11, 2008 09:39 PM
PS to Jock, I wish you success with your new feature film. Bravo!
Comment #15 Posted by: Suza | April 11, 2008 09:51 PM
evan,
I think it's totally cool that you and my son share the same birthday!!!
Happy Birthday! Guess what I got him for his 40th birthday? His favorite stories of Curious George--just like when he was 4! He was thrilled!!
Comment #16 Posted by: Suza | April 11, 2008 09:58 PM
Forty years ago I was a young mother of 18 years; pregnant, married to a young man of 19 years; and felt that pressure that I didn't know was labor either. Eventually we were off to the hospital and I endured hours of painful labor because my doctor didn't believe in pain medication. At the last minute, right before delivery, they gave me a spinal block. Hooray! Patriarchal: yes! Painful: yes! But I was certainly grateful for that final easement of the pain.
Comment #17 Posted by: nana | April 12, 2008 07:54 AM
Hi nana, thank you for taking the time to share your experience.
By sharing my personal experience, I did not mean to imply that pain relief does not have it's place under certain circumstances. But it is clear from decades of research on childbirth that a great deal of pain is due to fear, lack of support and many other preventable factors.
Recently when my young niece gave birth at Santa Paula hospital, the women in our family were there to massage her, remind her to breathe and help her take warm showers and other ways to relax that were not available in the hospital when we gave birth.
Comment #18 Posted by: Suza | April 12, 2008 08:31 AM
Jock's "feature" film??? Wxplain!!!
Comment #19 Posted by: Anonymous | April 12, 2008 10:08 AM
I have decided to remove comments that sound disrespectful or mean spirited. If you feel your comment has been removed in error, please feel free to e-mail me via my web site. (It's possible that I am misinterpreting someone's sense of humor.)
Thank you for understanding.
Comment #20 Posted by: Suza | April 12, 2008 12:54 PM
To anonymous #19,
I saw a description for a film Jock is producing on his web site. Films, like books, may take many years before they see the light of day. I wish him success with all his projects!
Comment #21 Posted by: Suza | April 12, 2008 01:01 PM
Suza!
We wish you success in your screenplay!!
Love, the Corral Gables Grannies!!!
Comment #22 Posted by: Anonymous | April 12, 2008 07:02 PM
Suza, I too had a son in 1968. It was 8 hours before I was allowed to hold him but my husband got to hold him right away.
I became a surgical nurse soon afterwards. I saw the greed of the doctors-all the unecessary C-sections because the doctors were in a hurry or wanted to make more money than a "normal" delivery would have cost. Granted there were some C-sections that needed to be done because the baby was in distress or the vaginal canal was too narrow.I am glad you had the courage to speak up about the mainly male dominated medical establishment that still wants to view women as the geese that laid the golden eggs. From birth to death, women are overmedicated,etc. to shut them up by the male medical establishment. It won't happen in our lifetime, but I hope things will change for women in the future when their voices will be taken seriously!
Comment #23 Posted by: Aurora | April 13, 2008 05:06 PM
Suza, Thank you for sharing such an inspirational story of strength and courage in the face of the Western Medicate establishment. I was so touched to read of your emotions as the doctor tried to schedule you induction around his vacation. So many women feel those same emotions when their doctor takes over their childbirth. But any are to scared to speak up and stand up for themselves, it's so refreshing to hear about someone so strong.
When I was pregnant with my first, I visited an OBGYN twice. Both time within the first two months of pregnancy. Just walking into the medical building for my check ups was enough for me. I never felt pregnancy was a medical procedure, and walking into a hospital to deliver I knoew would not be for me. At the time I had no medical insurance and not enough money to pay a midwife out of pocket. But I knew I couldn't have an OBGYN attend my birth.
I searched high and low and by the graciousness of the universe i found Rasmia Tebo in Simi Valley. At the time she was the only practicing midwife in CA that accepted Medi-cal. Now there are none. I was so fortunate to not have to face a doctor in the delivery room. I admire your strength, but don't think i would have had the same in your shoes. Doctors intimidate me. The birth scene is no place for a new mother to feel intimidated.
After having two children naturally at a birth center then at home, i decided i needed to study midwifery. I am attending Ventura College, about to apply for the nursing program. I want to be the nurse in the delivery room and shields new Mom's from the doctors control. I want to help more women to have the birth they want. I want more women to experience childbirth the way we did.
namaste'
Comment #24 Posted by: Katie K | April 14, 2008 01:58 PM
Aurora, thank you for sharing your experience and observations. The more we speak up, the sooner change will come. Fortunately there are nurses and doctors who have the best interest of women and their children at heart. It is through people like you that change will come.
Comment #25 Posted by: Suza | April 14, 2008 07:40 PM
Katie K, what a blessing to have a midwife like Rasmia Tebo. I Googled her name which led to several wonderful birth resources. (With my second child (in 1981) I had a wonderful midwife named Ananda.) I think it's great that you are studying to be a midwife. Thank you so much for sharing your insight here!
Comment #26 Posted by: Suza | April 14, 2008 09:35 PM