ojai news at The Ojai Post :: blog, newspaper, events in Ojai, California

Thanks Dvorah, welcome back, love, DiDj

were you been momma D?
did you go on a roadtrip with that spiritual motorcycle club you belong to?

things went totally out of control since you've been away

What do you think of Dr. Laura, she would completely disagree with you. She is all for the kids. I used to listen to her on the radio when my kids were younger. She certainly helped me.

Darling E-Alimo - Some day, I'll be sitting on that motorcycle on top of an Ojai mountain looking out at the beautiful sunset - when a huge Harley will come roaring up and stop right next to me. A really cool, leather/clad little guy, wearing an enormous anonymous paper bag over his head with two horns sticking out, will get off his bike and slowly shuffle towards me chanting: Heyya Dvorah, Heyya Heyya, don'tchaknowme?

And I will look at those gorgeous beady eyes and swoon in ecstacy, moaning - El-A, El-A, it must be you-whoooo - and then my hero will take that paperbag off his head, but unfortunately I'll have fainted as he gets back on his Harley and rides away into the sunset!!! The mystery man continues - Darling, I've missed you too!

And thank you sweet Mike DiDj - I appreciate it.

#2 Dear Mom: You apparently were a great mom to begin with and continued to be one inspite of Dr. Laura's so-called advice. I used to feel so dismayed when I thought of all those beautiful mothers that took her advice and one day woke up to find their lives ruined.

Dr. Laura is a perfect example of a truly ignorant parenting expert, who lives in a million dollar home up in the hills with her son and husband: And gives single mothers with 3 children, in a one bedroom apartment, advice on how to raise kids and be happy.

I’ve heard her tell mothers to give up their children, if they couldn’t raise them in a two family home. The witch is sick and the only reason she is so popular is because mothers feel inadequate with who they are and what they have to offer!! They feel a PH.D, who doesn’t know them or their children, can tell them what’s right! So let me repeat – YOU ARE THE HEART AND SOUL AND SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION OF YOUR CHILDREN - and you don’t need a radio show host to tell you how to love and raise your kids, especially one who considers herself a spokes mother for the moral majority.

I used to have a live parenting radio show right after Dr. Laura. She would end her show with "I am my son's mother". So I would start my show with, "Hi This is Dvorah Adler, Moms Come First- Enlightened Parenting. And "I am my Dogs owner!”

Parent education like early childhood education is a new field of study, maybe 50 years old and only taken seriously within the last 25 years. There are techniques galore on how to raise your children, unfortunately most of them don’t include the mother. It’s all from the perspective of the child. What can we do for the children? The mother’s situation, her background, her abilities and lifestyle are not taken into consideration.

There’s an “educated gauge” out there with techniques attached to it, that tells mothers whether they’re doing a good job. The worst part about this standard, is mothers fall for it, and feel “inadequate” because the techniques don’t work for them. They can’t get Johnny to stop biting or throwing a tantrum, or they can’t get Mary from coming into their room at night, or they can’t get 2-year-old Chet to stop taking his clothes off in public. Unless you’ve got “the Nanny” in your house 24/7, chances are most of these techniques will only work occasionally and only for a limited time frame.

Now I’m not saying that we don’t use techniques to help raise our kids appropriately. I am however, saying that your “marker as a good parent “ is not whether you can make a technique work for you or not. In other words YOU CHOOSE, not some fool on TV who recently wrote a book and got himself on Oprah. And if you’re smart, you’ll ask your girlfriends or your mother or best of all your aunt or grandmother (they’re usually on your side).

I was watching Oprah one day when one of her favorite authors on divorce said “Divorce causes irreparable harm to children.” And I heard millions of wonderful mothers shudder in regret and pain. What a totally ignorant statement as Oprah shook her head in agreement. What nonsense is this?? Life itself will cause you irreparable harm. You can’t get away from the continuous harm of separation. From the moment of birth, taken from your mother’s warm belly and put on a cold scale, to crying for milk and comfort, to going to school for the first time. We have all suffered abandonment in one way or another and irreparably! Why put all this guilt and regret on Mothers and Fathers – when it’s a human condition and part of this path called life?

When I taught parent education in East LA, I was shocked that the curriculum didn’t include self-esteem for mothers. It was all about raising creative children with self-esteem. How is that possible, when the mother herself feels inadequate? That’s when I quit my job and wrote Moms Come First!

Darling “Mom”, As you can see, Dr. Laura inspires a massive rebuttle from me? I’m grateful she doesn’t agree with a word I say – it would be an insult to be put in her category.

dvorah-

what a great imagination you got!
how did you know i'm a (p)leather clad little guy? (vegan friendly)

dr. laura?- a hideous, cruel beeyatch of a woman.
i was once sitting next to her at the east beach grill in SB reading the sunday paper.
she asked if she could borrow the book review section so she could see if her book was still #1 on the bestseller list.
got to admire that chutzpah

I am LAUGHING my head off!

As I recall, Dr.Laura told a 17 year old girl to give her child to a better home. This girl was going to raise a child on her own, and wasn't sure how she was going to do it. There are so many mothers in that situation today. Some are drug addicts and even sell their children, or they go crazy with the reponsibility of raising a child and do something unthinkable. Her advice was not unreasonable given the circumstances.

Dear L Fan:
You must be a wonderful mother because not only do you care about your children, but you care what happens to other children - and you obviously want the best for them.

However, Do you have any idea of what it’s like to give up a child? Whether you’re 13, l7, 30 or 60 – it’s nothing less then devastating. Laura, without knowing the background of the mother, or her psychology or heart – blatantly tells a young mother to give up her child, never taking into consideration the emotional consequences of that decision on the mother or her family (now or later).

There is a deep love and bond between mother and child that is inherent. Even children who are abused by their mothers can’t wait to leave their foster homes and be reunited with their birth Mothers. To mess with that bond and so capriciously – is, from my stand point, criminal.

A 17-year-old mother needs other alternatives – and there are many options out there without giving up your child. And as for the drug addicts and the crazy mothers who have the “unthinkable” running around in their head, I say: the heart of a mother is the heart of a mother. Imagine their heartache when they realize what they have done. Unbearable, they’re broken as soon as they come to their senses. I have infinite compassion for these mothers, and yes they do need their children removed, but not forever.

But one thing they all definitely don’t need is another parenting expert telling them how to parent. They need someone who helps them remember “who they were” before they got so screwed up. And they need someone to remind them that they have this little person who loves them more then they love themselves. They need help in regaining their heart, their love and their purpose in life. They Need a loving FRIEND – not an expert!

I love this quote, "The destiny of the nation lies far more in the hands of women, the mothers, than in the hands of those who possess power or those who are innovators, who seldom understand themselves. We must cultivate women, who are educators of the human race, else a new generation cannot accomplish its task."
--Froebel

Dr.L Fan,

Let me make a wild guess:
You are republican.
You are anti-gay.
You are sex-negative.
You don't believe in Fun or Freedom.

I'm glad to have you aboard the ojaipost

Look El-Animalo: Truly, I know you probably don't think much of me either - but Darling - you are the FRUNNIEST fool I've ever come across - and I mean that as a compliment! You are beyond foolishous!!! Dare I say, I'm smitten to my funnybone.

I had an abortion 3 years ago, I'm 28. I'm still grieving. I guess it doesn't matter how you lose a child.

Dear Fan, FYI, Dr. Laura (who is not a doctor BTW) has very few fans in Santa Barbara, where she resides and had a short-lived column in the News-Press:
http://blogabarbara.blogspot.com/search/label/Dr.%20Laura

Darling Sad,
Fortunately there are many ways of looking at your situation. For Example:
a. The soul did what it needed to do and left when it was time”.
b. The little guy will come back when you’re ready.
c. You did what you had to at the time, a little breathing, a little meditation, a little yoga, a little therapy and the residual ache will leave.
And then of course there is my favorite: the Buddha said: “Events happen, deeds are done, consequences happen, but there is no individual doer…” Now that might sound like so much hogwash, cause it really doesn’t make any sense that “you are not doing it!” So the modern version sounds like this: “If it could be different, it would be different!”

If you could somehow accept the fact that things are as they are, and you did the best you “could” at the time, it would save you a tremendous amount of regret and misery. And it would save your heart, mind and emotions, so you could continue with your life in peace & enthusiasm.

I am sincerely sorry for your loss, and I know the pain of losing a child, but honestly honey, “if it could be different, it would have been!” Meanwhile, rest in the space you’re in, it’s all energy, nothing every dies, it just changes form and your form will change too, from “sad” to happy! Relax, take the time you need. You’ve experienced one of life’s many blows, so do something fun, enjoyable, luxurious, you deserve it. Love Dvorah

Laura Schlessenger (Dr.Laura) has a Ph.D in Physiology from Columbia University. Schlessinger received her certification in Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling from the University of Southern California. It should be noted, however, that as of January 11, 2008, a search of the roster of professionals licensed by the Board of Behavioral Science Examiners to practice Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling, does not show her to be one so licensed.

Laura - a spokeswoman for the Jewish Moral majority and the Christian moral majority - has lived as scewed up a life, as most people that suddenly become "the barometers of morality". In Other words, the chick has broken the ten commandmnets more times then not. For more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger

at the risk of getting a bunch of "you ain't a mother, honey", i have the following observation and minor irritation:

15 comments, over 2,000 words, and only ONE instance of the word "FATHER". When did we get let off the hook for being our children's heart, soul, joy, and spiritual foundations? When was it that we forfeited our entitlement to a deep connection with our offspring, or became exempt from social pressures? Did i miss it?

Evan - anyone who takes care of a child is the "heart, soul, and spiritual foundation of that child". I just wrote "Moms Come First" becase I felt I was more qualified writing from a mother's point of view, and I worked mainly with mothers, the father's were usually absent.

I actually had written several articles on "Teachers Come First" and had given some talks at a teacher's conference.

Yes, Fathers are "The Heart, Soul and Spriitual Foundation" of their childrem, and especially now-a-days when parents share more of the responsibilty of raising a child together.

ps. You know I printed that picture of us chef-ing at Maravilla's. It's hanging behind my computer! Excellent Meal!

Female Fantasy:

In a recent Harris poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman’s ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it
appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

if that is a woman's ultimate fantasy, no wonder i can't even get to 1st base.
i don't cook at all and why clean, it's just gonna get dirty again

I really think El Anonimo could get a gig on Comedy Central!

I always thought a woman's ultimate fantasy was to "hook up" with a guy who has a great sense of humor!?!

Humor is ok, but he better be packin'! (I mean a good vacuum cleaner and apron!

Darling El-Asstonomous - not to change the subject of your yearning for the suitable mate, but I saw Dr. Laura on tv this morning being interviewed by (millionaire) Meradith, talking about her new book, "Stop Whining..." and her latest key phrase "accepting the moment!"

The chick is now on a new age bandwagon with Oprah, extolling the benefits of giving and giving and giving cause it makes "her feel better". Unlike Oprah tho, she loves giving with advice and is saving her millions for the rapture. Gotta love 'er! Wouldn't it have been great if her mother...(unthinkable, better not go there!) gotta love 'er!

Un-Dr. Laura, weighing in on the Spitzer scandal, blames women for not giving husbands what they need! UNBELIEVABLE!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23575221/

UN-FRICKEN (LIKE CHICKEN, like yell-er) UNBELIEVABLE!! Laura actually said the following dribble! “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,”

And this is why the witch gets the big bucks! Honestly, it's heartbreaking that there are women, mothers all over this country who fall for this nonsense and go through HELL TO keep their fiberless, dangerous men.

Laura, what a freak! If my husband paid me $4200 (the amount Spitzer paid his call girl) every time I gave him a night of fun - I'd make him feel like my hero too, and more often! Are you listening Mi Amour??

Dr. Laura is obviously a hypocritical, moronic twit, but she’s not the only pseudo-psychologist on the airwaves speculating as to the state of the Spitzer’s marriage. It’s embarrassing that the “news” programs are even bringing these guys on to “fill” the segment, even more embarrassing that we, as Americans, just guzzle this stuff down and consider ourselves “informed”. I’m almost ready to give up cable, just rent movies from now on and continue to get my news online. Every time I say I’m gonna do it, I think of maybe one or two shows and stations (at most) that I might miss and then I lose my nerve. Has anyone out there given the tv the boot recently? Besides MT, of course. :)

Me! I gave TV the boot ages ago. But I do go to a friend's house to watch Bill Moyer on Friday night, and 60-minutes on Sunday night. And Oprah about 3x a month when I'm really really curious to see some author interviewed. And I check to see what is on PBS in case it's really good I either go watch or have my friend tape it. I do miss John Stewart and the first part of Saturday Night Life...I miss the Biography channel. And I go to a friend's house to watch debates and news about once a week too...So my thinking is don't give up TV unless you have a friendly neighbor that watches the same things you do!

i couldn't live without "Weeds", "Californication", and "Entourage"

Very sound advice, Suza! I’d better get my ducks (uh, neighbors) in a row before I pull the trigger.

Besides the “non-fiction” type shows I tend to favor (true crime – City Confidential and Notorious, etc., the documentaries on PBS and the History Channel, travel and decorating shows, etc.), the only series that I have been really enamored by of late was Pushing Daisies (and now it’s gone, unfortunately). If an old episode of Columbo, Midsommer Murders, Rosemary and Thyme or an Agatha Christie or Poirot comes on, I’m game if I have nothing else to do. (I'm a sucker for British "cozies"!) But nothing that I couldn’t live without – at least I hope not. I’ll find out soon enough (if I’m brave enough to really do it!!)

I am thoroughly convinced that, unlike sitting in a movie theater with the resultant flicker of images (24 per second?) which is stimulating and intoxicating to the brain, being exposed to the electromagnetic waves of television turns us into nothing more than zombies in a trance. And that added to the overall crap the tv industry churns out, who needs it?!? Good for you Suza for giving it up!

you can watch the daily show online...
the daily show

Now, if I could watch Bill Maher online, then all would be right with the world!

Thanks Jon! I had my daily dose!

To my Mom:
If there were no sun, to shine upon the earth,
No heat or light, nor merriment or mirth
You would light up my day,
From the mists, so dark and gray
Your heat and warmth would case to pass,
A cloud or shadow that might amass
You radiate with love and glee,
That reaches out and touches me,
You fill my days with happiness
Because you are so full of bliss... --Todd Adler, Age ll

Come and share something lovely from your little or big darlings?

I am my mom's unloved and grossly misunderstood son.
I have fought your overbearing control and nearly overwhelming criticisms.
At times I have been barely able to breathe for fear that I would do something wrong and be scolded or shamed into an unworthy person.

I LOVE you Mom.
You are my rock, my strength!
You have given me the finest survival instincts and enabled me to create humor while standing on the gallows.

How's that dvorah?

Priceless!

Send that to the Hallmark Greeting Card Competition!

Dear Dvorah,

I really need a mother. Can you suggest someone for me please? Maybe you would like to apply?

I am definitely yours darling...and El-Amourous, have your mother call me for lunch - my kindawoman - what a MAN she raised! Ready for anything. Even the gallows?
That's my Boy!!

I beg to differ with your diagnosis of El A.

"I am my mom's unloved and grossly misunderstood son.
I have fought your overbearing control and nearly overwhelming criticisms.
At times I have been barely able to breathe for fear that I would do something wrong and be scolded or shamed into an unworthy person."

Does this ManBoy see all women the way he sees mom?

This mother needs therapy, not lunch!

#39 Dr. Laura to Dr. Dvorah-

Fear not.
I have been in intensive psychoanalysis and primal therapy most of my life.
No woman could possibly "replace" my mother.

Anyway I am too broke to care

#39 Ah..Dr. Laura - finally we come face to face...If there was ever anyone in this world that needed psychotherapy, darling it's you!! But then you've been on so many couches, you've lost count (and I don't mean for therapy, get my drift?)

Desist in your meddlesome, criminial ways! and leave my sweet Big handsomem EL-A, who at present is a nameless, faceless son of a "slightly" overbearing mother alone! He is still growing into the courageous "ready to reveal himself at last!) MAN OF THE YEAR!.

Meanwhile, don't any of you Bozos have something LOVELY TO Share about your mother or child? Let me try again with two of my favoite quotes:

“Insanity is hereditary - You can get it from your kids.”--Sam Levinson

“All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my mother.”--Abe Lincoln