Some Levity with Words
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the recent winners:
1.. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2.. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3.. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4.. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5.. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stop common sense from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6.. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8.. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
More on the next page.
9.. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10.. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11.. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12.. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13... Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
14.. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15.. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16.. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17.. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18.. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1.. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2.. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3.. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4.. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5.. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6... negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7.. lymph, v.. to walk with a lisp.
8.. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9.. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10.. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11.. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12.. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13.. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14.. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15.. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
| Permalink | author bio | 
Comments (5)
Brilliant! LOL! Best post we've had in a looooong time. Thank you Raymond.
Comment #1 Posted by: Lisa Snider | January 31, 2007 04:15 PM
Love it!
Comment #2 Posted by: Robert | January 31, 2007 09:48 PM
Thanks for the laughs!
Comment #3 Posted by: gimaha | February 1, 2007 12:59 PM
i LOVE these...thanks Raymond!
Comment #4 Posted by: evan | February 1, 2007 02:10 PM
I second "best post" nomination.
The Ojai Post, n.that dry tall phallic thing with the bells next to Libby Park.
The Ojai Pst, n.that round wet thing at the entrance to Libby Park where big folk sit and whisper little nothings about the little folk playing with the wet thing.
Comment #5 Posted by: Dennis Leary | February 4, 2007 07:06 AM