ojai news at The Ojai Post :: blog, newspaper, events in Ojai, California

The familiar beat, ripped off unapologetically from David Bowie, kicks the feet into action. I’m running with 10,000 others at the Nike Run Hit Remix in LA. Well, okay, so I am walking most of it, but the hip flexors now remind me that it was a valiant effort.

My husband, Bill, became a runner 2 years ago when the president of his company got up at a managers’ meeting and told the room of about 200, “You’re all fat and out of shape, so I’ve signed you up for the Rock and Roll Marathon.” At the time, Bill was a very fit homebody, an adept multi-tasker of the living room gentlemen sports known as Couch Potato and Channel Surf. Still, he knew this was a lifestyle that wouldn’t allow him to age gracefully. So after 9 months of training, he ran his first half marathon in Phoenix in 2005 and has been like Forrest Gump ever since. As soon as I saw him carefully apply Band-Aids to his nipples, I knew there was no turning back.

Runners do weird things. Boob tape is one of them. They also apparently get up at o’dark thirty, strap a flashlight to their head and do a 10-mile “training run.” They consume substances called “Goo,” and spongy Jello-like cubes, and thick gelatinous goop in flavors like “wild tangerine.” And they obsess about their iPods - if the first song isn’t U2’s Bad, life as we know it will cease to exist. At least that’s the case with the runner who sleeps next to me.

If there’s a problem, yo I’ll solve it…

Every mile, there’s a stage and at mile 2, Vanilla Ice is reliving his glory days. He’s not bad.

Because he is one of those ambitious types, Bill left me at the first stage where Debbie Gibson (‘scuze, me, it’s now Deborah) was trying to resurrect the Pop Princess she was 20 pounds ago (ouch). I run, then walk, then run. Things start bouncing and hurting, so I decide walking is more conducive to not being in pain (and make a mental note to get a better bra). I stop for a moment to dance with ‘Nilla, not just because the slow-down puts me in my happy place, but also because I feel bad that the crowd of 10,000 is just running right by him. With giddy teenage tendencies in full swing, I wade through the small mosh pit to snap this photo.

Also on various stages for the 90’s-themed one-hit redux are the cast of 90210, Young MC (make that Old MC), Digital Underground (who still wears that freakish thing on his nose) and De La Sol. I’m in walk mode as I approach Frat Row at the USC campus and the Theta Sigma Somethings are looking hungover, but still ready to party. I start to think a cold beer would be good right about now, but figure they’ve probably just got cheap keg beer, no Guinness here. So I decide to start running again because I can always stop if my lungs start to feel like I’m inhaling glass shards again. A couple of the boys are holding signs that say “Flash Us” and woo-hooing at a saucy little runner in shorts that Sonny Bono once proclaimed illegal in Palm Springs.

After I pass an ambulance where a runner is sprawled out on a stretcher, and Coolio’s stage (yes, he still has his hair sticking up all over the place), there’s another group in front of a frat house with cameras, screaming away - at me. I think, “Shoot, just flash them and get it over with,” and I am starting to fumble with my shirt when I remember this is not my Victoria’s Secret demi, and then I realize these are professional race photographers. Whew, that was close.

That sinewy tendon thing behind my left knee is begging for mercy when I pass a volunteer, so I ask him, “Where is the finish line?” Actually, I think there was an expletive in there. He tells me it’s less than half a mile away. And he was right. A sharp turn and downward slope took me through a tunnel, where I couldn’t help but run because on the other side was a large crowd and a finish line. Suddenly, someone handed me a medal and said, “Congratulations!” Hey, I did it! And I’m still alive! Five whole miles, no lie (did you think it was longer?).

So I am reminded that the Ojai Classic 10K is just around the corner. It’s only a little over a mile more, and if I can do it, anyone can. If that's too much for you, there's also a 5K. You can walk or run and there's also a race for wheelchairs. It supports our local hospital, so tape up your boobs and toss on the t-shirt included with the registration and get out there! Bill will be running and I will be volunteering at the registration table on Saturday morning, October 7.

Oh, I almost forgot, Word to your mother.